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中考英语写作精彩点评与修改(四)

2009-04-02

  刘晓伟老师—中考英语写作精彩点评与修改(四)

  中考英语写作题四(同第三题,小牛同学写的,强力推荐!)

  有些人认为中学生看电视是在浪费时间,另一些人则认为看电视对中学生是有益的。请你以Is Watching TV a Waste of Time为题写一篇作文。要点如下:
  1.一些人认为看电视有益,一些人则不这么认为。

  2.你的看法和理由

  学生习作及修改:
  虽然不是故意的,我又来找碴了。男子汉,别介意!  :)
  (第一段:引出主题。)

   As you can see,many say that watching TV is bad for our study. But I think it's good for us to watch TV because watching TV can make us more knowledgeable. (第一段先不要亮出观点,议论文有现成的思路可以继承。想要追求创新应该在第二段中体现。重改第一段:People take different attitudes towards watching TV. Some believe that it is beneficial for us to watch TV . Others, however, hold the opposite opinion.)

  (第二段:抛出观点。)
  In my opinion, we should realize the pros and cons of watching TV. (一定要加上这一句:“我们应该认识到看电视的利弊。” 因为你的观点是中立的。必须首先亮出来,然后再讨论利是什么,弊是什么?最后总结一下。)

  (第三段:看电视的优点。)
  In my opinion, we have something that we can’t learn at school. Watching TV is a good way to help us to learn this kind of things. (首先要说明看电视的优点,而不是支持该观点的理由。可以改成:Watching TV has many advantages. By watching TV, we have learned something that can’t be learned at school.)On TV, we know more about the news, sciences and so on in many different programs.
  (一定要贯彻固定句型和短语优先的原则。“对某人来说方便做某事”表达成: It is convenient for sb. to do sth. “了解”表达成: be informed of sth. 不要因为它是个被动结构,就不习惯去用它。不习惯的表达往往要好于自创的表达。否则,哪天让你用脚抠鼻子给全班观摩,一定很精彩(玩笑)。可以改成:On TV,it is convenient for us to be informed immediately of what is happening around the world.) We can also make us fee relaxed when we are so tired by this way. (有点自相矛盾了。看电视看累了,再通过看电视来放松。你真牛!可以改成: Sometimes after a long time of tiring work, watching TV programs can relax us to some degree.) So I say that watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.
  (没必要说I say,整篇文章你说的还不够吗?So watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.)

  (第四段:看电视的缺点。)

  However, Watching TV also has some disadvantages. Watching TV too more is bad for our eyes and we will have less time learning the subjects at school. (Watching TV over a long time is harmful for our eyes, and makes us have less time to learn the subjects well at school.)

  (第五段:总结。)

  So it’s important to have a rational plan for watching TV. (很好!我要再改就要犯罪了!注意:独立成段。)

  晓伟点评:
  小牛同学:
  这篇作文写超级棒,很像五段式的托福综合写作,中考的时候要谨慎使用,因为就像玩双截棍一样,你在现在还不能很好的控制它,所以要小心。
  好久没看到这样的作文了,我很高兴。
  敬礼
  你的刘晓伟老师
查看原帖:http://bbs.eduu.com/thread-155729-1-2.html

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